Much Ado About
Nothing
Beaucoup de bruit pour rien
1599
by William
Shakespeare
Dramatis personae
DON PEDRO,
Prince of Arragon.
DON JOHN,
his bastard brother.
CLAUDIO, a
young lord of Florence.
BENEDICK, a
Young lord of Padua.
LEONATO,
Governor of Messina.
ANTONIO, an
old man, his brother.
BALTHASAR,
attendant on Don Pedro.
BORACHIO,
follower of Don John.
CONRADE,
follower of Don John.
FRIAR
FRANCIS.
DOGBERRY, a
Constable.
VERGES, a
Headborough.
A Sexton.
A Boy.
HERO,
daughter to Leonato.
BEATRICE,
niece to Leonato.
MARGARET,
waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero.
URSULA,
waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero.
Messengers,
Watch, Attendants, etc.
Scene :
Messina.
Act I.
Scene 1.
An orchard before Leonato's house.
Enter Leonato (Governor of Messina), Hero (his
Daughter), and Beatrice (his Niece), with a Messenger.
LEONATO
I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes
this
night to Messina.
MESSENGER
He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off
when I
left him.
LEONATO
How many gentlemen have you lost in this action ?
MESSENGER
But few of any sort, and none of name.
LEONATO
A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
home full
numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much
honour on
a young Florentine called Claudio.
MESSENGER
Much deserv'd on his part, and equally rememb'red by
Don
DON PEDRO
He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age,
doing
in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion. He hath
indeed
better bett'red expectation than you must expect of me
to tell
you how.
LEONATO
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
glad of it.
MESSENGER
I have already delivered him letters, and there
appears much
joy in him ; even so much that joy could not show
itself modest
enough without a badge of bitterness.
LEONATO
Did he break out into tears ?
MESSENGER
In great measure.
LEONATO
A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer
than
those that are so wash'd. How much better is it to
weep at joy
than to joy at weeping !
BEATRICE
I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from the
wars or no ?
MESSENGER
I know none of that name, lady. There was none such in
the
army of any sort.
LEONATO
What is he that you ask for, niece ?
HERO
My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.
MESSENGER
O, he's return'd, and as pleasant as ever he was.
BEATRICE
He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd
Cupid at
the flight, and my uncle's fool, reading the
challenge,
subscrib'd for Cupid and challeng'd him at the
burbolt. I pray
you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars ?
But how
many hath he kill'd ? For indeed I promised to eat all
of his
killing.
LEONATO
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much ; but
he'll
be meet with you, I doubt it not.
MESSENGER
He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.
BEATRICE
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He
is a
very valiant trencherman ; he hath an excellent
stomach.
MESSENGER
And a good soldier too, lady.
BEATRICE
And a good soldier to a lady ; but what is he to a
lord ?
MESSENGER
A lord to a lord, a man to a man ; stuff'd with all
honourable
virtues.
BEATRICE
It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuff'd man ;
but for
the stuffing - well, we are all mortal.
LEONATO
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind
of merry
war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet
but there's
a skirmish of wit between them.
BEATRICE
Alas, he gets nothing by that ! In our last conflict
four of
his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole
man govern'd
with one ; so that if he have wit enough to keep
himself warm, let
him bear it for a difference between himself and his
horse ; for
it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a
reasonable
creature. Who is his companion now ? He hath every
month a new
sworn brother.
MESSENGER
Is't possible ?
BEATRICE
Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the
fashion
of his hat ; it ever changes with the next block.
MESSENGER
I see,
lady, the gentleman is not in your books.
BEATRICE
No. An
he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, who is
his
companion ? Is there no young squarer now that will make a
voyage
with him to the devil ?
MESSENGER
He is
most in the company of the right noble Claudio.
BEATRICE
O Lord,
he will hang upon him like a disease ! He is sooner
caught
than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God
help
the noble Claudio ! If he have caught the Benedick, it will
cost
him a thousand pound ere 'a be cured.
MESSENGER
I will
hold friends with you, lady.
BEATRICE
Do,
good friend.
LEONATO
You
will never run mad, niece.
BEATRICE
No, not
till a hot January.
MESSENGER
Don
Pedro is approach'd.
Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick,
Balthasar, and John the Bastard.
DON
PEDRO
Good
Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble ? The
fashion
of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.
LEONATO
Never
came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace ;
for
trouble being gone, comfort should remain ; but when you depart
from
me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.
DON
PEDRO
You
embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your
daughter.
LEONATO
Her
mother hath many times told me so.
BENEDICK
Were
you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd her ?
LEONATO
Signior
Benedick, no ; for then were you a child.
DON
PEDRO
You
have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what you
are,
being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady ;
for you
are like an honourable father.
BENEDICK
If
Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head
on her
shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.
BEATRICE
I
wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick.
Nobody
marks you.
BENEDICK
What,
my dear Lady Disdain ! are you yet living ?
BEATRICE
Is it
possible Disdain should die while she hath such meet
food to
feed it as Signior Benedick ? Courtesy itself must convert
to
disdain if you come in her presence.
BENEDICK
Then is
courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of
all
ladies, only you excepted ; and I would I could find in my
heart
that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.
BEATRICE
A dear
happiness to women ! They would else have been troubled
with a
pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of
your
humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow
than a
man swear he loves me.
BENEDICK
God
keep your ladyship still in that mind ! So some gentleman
or
other shall scape a predestinate scratch'd face.
BEATRICE
Scratching
could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as
yours
were.
BENEDICK
Well,
you are a rare parrot-teacher.
BEATRICE
A bird
of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
BENEDICK
I would
my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a
continuer.
But keep your way, a God's name ! I have done.
BEATRICE
You
always end with a jade's trick. I know you of old.
DON
PEDRO
That is
the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior
Benedick,
my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him
we
shall stay here at the least a month, and he heartly prays
some
occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no
hypocrite,
but prays from his heart.
LEONATO
If you
swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. [To Don John]
Let me
bid you welcome, my lord. Being reconciled to the
Prince
your brother, I owe you all duty.
JOHN
I thank
you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.
LEONATO
Please
it your Grace lead on ?
DON
PEDRO
Your
hand, Leonato. We will go together.
Exeunt. Manent Benedick and Claudio.
CLAUDIO
Benedick,
didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato ?
BENEDICK
I noted
her not, but I look'd on her.
CLAUDIO
Is she
not a modest young lady ?
BENEDICK
Do you
question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple
true
judgment ? or would you have me speak after my custom, as
being a
professed tyrant to their sex ?
CLAUDIO
No. I
pray thee speak in sober judgment.
BENEDICK
Why, i'
faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise,
too
brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise.
Only
this commendation I can afford her, that were she other
than
she is, she were unhandsome, and being no other but as she
is, I
do not like her.
CLAUDIO
Thou
thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly how
thou
lik'st her.
BENEDICK
Would
you buy her, that you enquire after her ?
CLAUDIO
Can the
world buy such a jewel ?
BENEDICK
Yea,
and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad
brow ?
or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a
good
hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter ? Come, in what key
shall a
man take you to go in the song ?
CLAUDIO
In mine
eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I look'd on.
BENEDICK
I can
see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter.
There's
her cousin, an she were not possess'd with a fury,exceeds
her as
much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of
December.
But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have
you ?
CLAUDIO
I would
scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
contrary,
if Hero would be my wife.
BENEDICK
Is't
come to this ? In faith, hath not the world one man but
he will
wear his cap with suspicion ? Shall I never see a
bachelor
of threescore again ? Go to, i' faith ! An thou wilt needs
thrust
thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away
Sundays.
Enter Don Pedro.
Look !
Don Pedro is returned to seek you.
DON
PEDRO
What
secret hath held you here, that you followed not to
Leonato's
?
BENEDICK
I would
your Grace would constrain me to tell.
DON
PEDRO
I
charge thee on thy allegiance.
BENEDICK
You
hear, Count Claudio. I can be secret as a dumb man, I
would
have you think so ; but, on my allegiance - mark you this-on
my
allegiance ! he is in love. With who ? Now that is your Grace's
part.
Mark how short his answer is : With Hero, Leonato's short
daughter.
CLAUDIO
If this
were so, so were it utt'red.
BENEDICK
Like
the old tale, my lord : 'It is not so, nor 'twas not so ;
but
indeed, God forbid it should be so !'
CLAUDIO
If my
passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be
otherwise.
DON
PEDRO
Amen,
if you love her ; for the lady is very well worthy.
CLAUDIO
You
speak this to fetch me in, my lord.
DON
PEDRO
By my
troth, I speak my thought.
CLAUDIO
And, in
faith, my lord, I spoke mine.
BENEDICK
And, by
my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.
CLAUDIO
That I
love her, I feel.
DON
PEDRO
That
she is worthy, I know.
BENEDICK
That I
neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she
should
be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me.
I will
die in it at the stake.
DON
PEDRO
Thou
wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of
beauty.
CLAUDIO
And
never could maintain his part but in the force of his
will.
BENEDICK
That a
woman conceived me, I thank her ; that she brought me
up, I
likewise give her most humble thanks ; but that I will have
a
rechate winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible
baldrick,
all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them
the
wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust
none ;
and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer), I will
live a
bachelor.
DON
PEDRO
I shall
see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.
BENEDICK
With
anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord ; not with
love.
Prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get
again
with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen
and
hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of
blind
Cupid.
DON
PEDRO
Well,
if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt
prove a
notable argument.
BENEDICK
If I
do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me ; and
he that
hits me, let him be clapp'd on the shoulder and call'd
Adam.
DON
PEDRO
Well,
as time shall try.
'In
time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'
BENEDICK
The
savage bull may ; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear
it,
pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and
let me
be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write
'Here
is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign
'Here
you may see Benedick the married man.'
CLAUDIO
If this
should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.
DON
PEDRO
Nay, if
Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou
wilt
quake for this shortly.
BENEDICK
I look
for an earthquake too then.
DON
PEDRO
Well,
you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime,
good
Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's, commend me to him and
tell
him I will not fail him at supper ; for indeed he hath made
great
preparation.
BENEDICK
I have
almost matter enough in me for such an embassage ; and
so I
commit you -
CLAUDIO
To the
tuition of God. From my house - if I had it -
DON
PEDRO
The
sixth of July. Your loving friend, Benedick.
BENEDICK
Nay,
mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is
sometime
guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly
basted
on neither. Ere you flout old ends any further, examine
your
conscience. And so I leave you. Exit.
CLAUDIO
My
liege, your Highness now may do me good.
DON
PEDRO
My love
is thine to teach. Teach it but how,
And
thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
Any
hard lesson that may do thee good.
CLAUDIO
Hath
Leonato any son, my lord ?
DON
PEDRO
No
child but Hero ; she's his only heir.
Dost
thou affect her, Claudio ?
CLAUDIO
O my
lord,
When
you went onward on this ended action,
I
look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
That
lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand
Than to
drive liking to the name of love ;
But now
I am return'd and that war-thoughts
Have
left their places vacant, in their rooms
Come
thronging soft and delicate desires,
All
prompting me how fair young Hero is,
Saying
I lik'd her ere I went to wars.
DON
PEDRO
Thou
wilt be like a lover presently
And
tire the hearer with a book of words.
If thou
dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
And I
will break with her and with her father,
And
thou shalt have her. Wast not to this end
That
thou began'st to twist so fine a story ?
CLAUDIO
How
sweetly you do minister to love,
That
know love's grief by his complexion !
But
lest my liking might too sudden seem,
I would
have salv'd it with a longer treatise.
DON
PEDRO
What
need the bridge much broader than the flood ?
The
fairest grant is the necessity.
Look,
what will serve is fit. 'Tis once, thou lovest,
And I
will fit thee with the remedy.
I know
we shall have revelling to-night.
I will
assume thy part in some disguise
And
tell fair Hero I am Claudio,
And in
her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
And
take her hearing prisoner with the force
And
strong encounter of my amorous tale.
Then
after to her father will I break,
And the
conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In
practice let us put it presently. Exeunt.
Scene
2.
A room
in Leonato's house.
Enter
[at one door] Leonato and [at another door, Antonio] an old man, brother to
Leonato.
LEONATO
How
now, brother ? Where is my cousin your son ? Hath he
provided
this music ?
ANTONIO
He is
very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange
news
that you yet dreamt not of.
LEONATO
Are
they good ?
ANTONIO
As the
event stamps them ; but they have a good cover, they
show
well outward. The Prince and Count Claudio, walking in a
thick-pleached
alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard by
a man
of mine : the Prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my
niece
your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a
dance,
and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the
present
time by the top and instantly break with you of it.
LEONATO
Hath
the fellow any wit that told you this ?
ANTONIO
A good
sharp fellow. I will send for him, and question him
yourself.
LEONATO
No, no.
We will hold it as a dream till it appear itself ; but
I will
acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better
prepared
for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and
tell
her of it.
[Exit Antonio.]
[Enter Antonio's Son with a Musician, and
others.]
[To the
Son] Cousin, you know what you have to do.
- [To the Musician] O, I cry you mercy,
friend. Go you with me,
and I
will use your skill. - Good cousin, have a care this busy
time.
Exeunt.
Scene
3.
Another
room in Leonato's house.]
Enter
Sir John the Bastard and Conrade, his companion.
CONRADE
What
the goodyear, my lord ! Why are you thus out of measure
sad ?
JOHN
There
is no measure in the occasion that breeds ; therefore
the
sadness is without limit.
CONRADE
You
should hear reason.
JOHN
And
when I have heard it, what blessings brings it ?
CONRADE
If not
a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.
JOHN
I
wonder that thou (being, as thou say'st thou art, born
under
Saturn) goest about to apply a moral medicine to a
mortifying
mischief. I cannot hide what I am : I must be sad when
I have
cause, and smile at no man's jests ; eat when I have
stomach,
and wait for no man's leisure ; sleep when I am drowsy,
and
tend on no man's business ; laugh when I am merry, and claw no
man in
his humour.
CONRADE
Yea,
but you must not make the full show of this till you may
do it
without controlment. You have of late stood out against
your
brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace, where
it is
impossible you should take true root but by the fair
weather
that you make yourself. It is needful that you frame the
season
for your own harvest.
JOHN