Much Ado About Nothing

Beaucoup de bruit pour rien

1599

by William Shakespeare

Dramatis personae

DON PEDRO, Prince of Arragon.

DON JOHN, his bastard brother.

CLAUDIO, a young lord of Florence.

BENEDICK, a Young lord of Padua.

LEONATO, Governor of Messina.

ANTONIO, an old man, his brother.

BALTHASAR, attendant on Don Pedro.

BORACHIO, follower of Don John.

CONRADE, follower of Don John.

FRIAR FRANCIS.

DOGBERRY, a Constable.

VERGES, a Headborough.

A Sexton.

A Boy.

HERO, daughter to Leonato.

BEATRICE, niece to Leonato.

MARGARET, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero.

URSULA, waiting gentlewoman attending on Hero.

Messengers, Watch, Attendants, etc.

Scene :

Messina.

Act I.

Scene 1.

An orchard before Leonato's house.

Enter Leonato (Governor of Messina), Hero (his Daughter), and Beatrice (his Niece), with a Messenger.

LEONATO

I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this

night to Messina.

MESSENGER

He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off when I

left him.

LEONATO

How many gentlemen have you lost in this action ?

MESSENGER

But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO

A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full

numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour on

a young Florentine called Claudio.

MESSENGER

Much deserv'd on his part, and equally rememb'red by Don

DON PEDRO

He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age, doing

in the figure of a lamb the feats of a lion. He hath indeed

better bett'red expectation than you must expect of me to tell

you how.

LEONATO

He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.

MESSENGER

I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much

joy in him ; even so much that joy could not show itself modest

enough without a badge of bitterness.

LEONATO

Did he break out into tears ?

MESSENGER

In great measure.

LEONATO

A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer than

those that are so wash'd. How much better is it to weep at joy

than to joy at weeping !

BEATRICE

I pray you, is Signior Mountanto return'd from the wars or no ?

MESSENGER

I know none of that name, lady. There was none such in the

army of any sort.

LEONATO

What is he that you ask for, niece ?

HERO

My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

MESSENGER

O, he's return'd, and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE

He set up his bills here in Messina and challeng'd Cupid at

the flight, and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge,

subscrib'd for Cupid and challeng'd him at the burbolt. I pray

you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in these wars ? But how

many hath he kill'd ? For indeed I promised to eat all of his

killing.

LEONATO

Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much ; but he'll

be meet with you, I doubt it not.

MESSENGER

He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE

You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He is a

very valiant trencherman ; he hath an excellent stomach.

MESSENGER

And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE

And a good soldier to a lady ; but what is he to a lord ?

MESSENGER

A lord to a lord, a man to a man ; stuff'd with all honourable

virtues.

BEATRICE

It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuff'd man ; but for

the stuffing - well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO

You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of merry

war betwixt Signior Benedick and her. They never meet but there's

a skirmish of wit between them.

BEATRICE

Alas, he gets nothing by that ! In our last conflict four of

his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'd

with one ; so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let

him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse ; for

it is all the wealth that he hath left to be known a reasonable

creature. Who is his companion now ? He hath every month a new

sworn brother.

MESSENGER

Is't possible ?

BEATRICE

Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the fashion

of his hat ; it ever changes with the next block.

MESSENGER

I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE

No. An he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, who is

his companion ? Is there no young squarer now that will make a

voyage with him to the devil ?

MESSENGER

He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE

O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease ! He is sooner

caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad. God

help the noble Claudio ! If he have caught the Benedick, it will

cost him a thousand pound ere 'a be cured.

MESSENGER

I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE

Do, good friend.

LEONATO

You will never run mad, niece.

BEATRICE

No, not till a hot January.

MESSENGER

Don Pedro is approach'd.

Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthasar, and John the Bastard.

DON PEDRO

Good Signior Leonato, are you come to meet your trouble ? The

fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

LEONATO

Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your Grace ;

for trouble being gone, comfort should remain ; but when you depart

from me, sorrow abides and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO

You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your

daughter.

LEONATO

Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK

Were you in doubt, sir, that you ask'd her ?

LEONATO

Signior Benedick, no ; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO

You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what you

are, being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself. Be happy, lady ;

for you are like an honourable father.

BENEDICK

If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head

on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

BEATRICE

I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick.

Nobody marks you.

BENEDICK

What, my dear Lady Disdain ! are you yet living ?

BEATRICE

Is it possible Disdain should die while she hath such meet

food to feed it as Signior Benedick ? Courtesy itself must convert

to disdain if you come in her presence.

BENEDICK

Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of

all ladies, only you excepted ; and I would I could find in my

heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.

BEATRICE

A dear happiness to women ! They would else have been troubled

with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of

your humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow

than a man swear he loves me.

BENEDICK

God keep your ladyship still in that mind ! So some gentleman

or other shall scape a predestinate scratch'd face.

BEATRICE

Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as

yours were.

BENEDICK

Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE

A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a

continuer. But keep your way, a God's name ! I have done.

BEATRICE

You always end with a jade's trick. I know you of old.

DON PEDRO

That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio and Signior

Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him

we shall stay here at the least a month, and he heartly prays

some occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no

hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO

If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. [To Don John]

Let me bid you welcome, my lord. Being reconciled to the

Prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

JOHN

I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.

LEONATO

Please it your Grace lead on ?

DON PEDRO

Your hand, Leonato. We will go together.

Exeunt. Manent Benedick and Claudio.

CLAUDIO

Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato ?

BENEDICK

I noted her not, but I look'd on her.

CLAUDIO

Is she not a modest young lady ?

BENEDICK

Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for my simple

true judgment ? or would you have me speak after my custom, as

being a professed tyrant to their sex ?

CLAUDIO

No. I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK

Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise,

too brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise.

Only this commendation I can afford her, that were she other

than she is, she were unhandsome, and being no other but as she

is, I do not like her.

CLAUDIO

Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly how

thou lik'st her.

BENEDICK

Would you buy her, that you enquire after her ?

CLAUDIO

Can the world buy such a jewel ?

BENEDICK

Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad

brow ? or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a

good hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter ? Come, in what key

shall a man take you to go in the song ?

CLAUDIO

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I look'd on.

BENEDICK

I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter.

There's her cousin, an she were not possess'd with a fury,exceeds

her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of

December. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have

you ?

CLAUDIO

I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the

contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK

Is't come to this ? In faith, hath not the world one man but

he will wear his cap with suspicion ? Shall I never see a

bachelor of threescore again ? Go to, i' faith ! An thou wilt needs

thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away

Sundays.

Enter Don Pedro.

Look ! Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

DON PEDRO

What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to

Leonato's ?

BENEDICK

I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO

I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK

You hear, Count Claudio. I can be secret as a dumb man, I

would have you think so ; but, on my allegiance - mark you this-on

my allegiance ! he is in love. With who ? Now that is your Grace's

part. Mark how short his answer is : With Hero, Leonato's short

daughter.

CLAUDIO

If this were so, so were it utt'red.

BENEDICK

Like the old tale, my lord : 'It is not so, nor 'twas not so ;

but indeed, God forbid it should be so !'

CLAUDIO

If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be

otherwise.

DON PEDRO

Amen, if you love her ; for the lady is very well worthy.

CLAUDIO

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, I speak my thought.

CLAUDIO

And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK

And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO

That I love her, I feel.

DON PEDRO

That she is worthy, I know.

BENEDICK

That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she

should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me.

I will die in it at the stake.

DON PEDRO

Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of

beauty.

CLAUDIO

And never could maintain his part but in the force of his

will.

BENEDICK

That a woman conceived me, I thank her ; that she brought me

up, I likewise give her most humble thanks ; but that I will have

a rechate winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible

baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them

the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust

none ; and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer), I will

live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO

I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK

With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord ; not with

love. Prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get

again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen

and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of

blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO

Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt

prove a notable argument.

BENEDICK

If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me ; and

he that hits me, let him be clapp'd on the shoulder and call'd

Adam.

DON PEDRO

Well, as time shall try.

'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'

BENEDICK

The savage bull may ; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear

it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead, and

let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write

'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign

'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

CLAUDIO

If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

DON PEDRO

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou

wilt quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK

I look for an earthquake too then.

DON PEDRO

Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime,

good Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's, commend me to him and

tell him I will not fail him at supper ; for indeed he hath made

great preparation.

BENEDICK

I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage ; and

so I commit you -

CLAUDIO

To the tuition of God. From my house - if I had it -

DON PEDRO

The sixth of July. Your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK

Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is

sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly

basted on neither. Ere you flout old ends any further, examine

your conscience. And so I leave you. Exit.

CLAUDIO

My liege, your Highness now may do me good.

DON PEDRO

My love is thine to teach. Teach it but how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn

Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

CLAUDIO

Hath Leonato any son, my lord ?

DON PEDRO

No child but Hero ; she's his only heir.

Dost thou affect her, Claudio ?

CLAUDIO

O my lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,

I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,

That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand

Than to drive liking to the name of love ;

But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts

Have left their places vacant, in their rooms

Come thronging soft and delicate desires,

All prompting me how fair young Hero is,

Saying I lik'd her ere I went to wars.

DON PEDRO

Thou wilt be like a lover presently

And tire the hearer with a book of words.

If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,

And I will break with her and with her father,

And thou shalt have her. Wast not to this end

That thou began'st to twist so fine a story ?

CLAUDIO

How sweetly you do minister to love,

That know love's grief by his complexion !

But lest my liking might too sudden seem,

I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise.

DON PEDRO

What need the bridge much broader than the flood ?

The fairest grant is the necessity.

Look, what will serve is fit. 'Tis once, thou lovest,

And I will fit thee with the remedy.

I know we shall have revelling to-night.

I will assume thy part in some disguise

And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,

And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart

And take her hearing prisoner with the force

And strong encounter of my amorous tale.

Then after to her father will I break,

And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.

In practice let us put it presently. Exeunt.

Scene 2.

A room in Leonato's house.

Enter [at one door] Leonato and [at another door, Antonio] an old man, brother to Leonato.

LEONATO

How now, brother ? Where is my cousin your son ? Hath he

provided this music ?

ANTONIO

He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you strange

news that you yet dreamt not of.

LEONATO

Are they good ?

ANTONIO

As the event stamps them ; but they have a good cover, they

show well outward. The Prince and Count Claudio, walking in a

thick-pleached alley in mine orchard, were thus much overheard by

a man of mine : the Prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my

niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it this night in a

dance, and if he found her accordant, he meant to take the

present time by the top and instantly break with you of it.

LEONATO

Hath the fellow any wit that told you this ?

ANTONIO

A good sharp fellow. I will send for him, and question him

yourself.

LEONATO

No, no. We will hold it as a dream till it appear itself ; but

I will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the better

prepared for an answer, if peradventure this be true. Go you and

tell her of it. [Exit Antonio.]

[Enter Antonio's Son with a Musician, and others.]

[To the Son] Cousin, you know what you have to do.

- [To the Musician] O, I cry you mercy, friend. Go you with me,

and I will use your skill. - Good cousin, have a care this busy

time. Exeunt.

Scene 3.

Another room in Leonato's house.]

Enter Sir John the Bastard and Conrade, his companion.

CONRADE

What the goodyear, my lord ! Why are you thus out of measure

sad ?

JOHN

There is no measure in the occasion that breeds ; therefore

the sadness is without limit.

CONRADE

You should hear reason.

JOHN

And when I have heard it, what blessings brings it ?

CONRADE

If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance.

JOHN

I wonder that thou (being, as thou say'st thou art, born

under Saturn) goest about to apply a moral medicine to a

mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am : I must be sad when

I have cause, and smile at no man's jests ; eat when I have

stomach, and wait for no man's leisure ; sleep when I am drowsy,

and tend on no man's business ; laugh when I am merry, and claw no

man in his humour.

CONRADE

Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till you may

do it without controlment. You have of late stood out against

your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace, where

it is impossible you should take true root but by the fair

weather that you make yourself. It is needful that you frame the

season for your own harvest.

JOHN